Seriously?
by Seedsiz
Summary: A collection of double drabbles about Merlin and the people of Camelot. Chapter 50: The Iddit and The Pwat. Summary: Merlin and Freya have a son and everyone (including Arthur) is overjoyed until he says his first words. Then, everyone excluding Arthur is overjoyed.
1. The bandits

**Summary:**

Merlin and the knights have been ambushed by bandits (again). They will come out of it unscathed, but what magic trick is Merlin going to use this time? None it seems, because this time the bandits have gone too far. This time it's personal.

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Chapter 1: The bandits

"13!" exclaimed Elyan.

Percival just stood there dumbstruck, but since he always was silent no one noticed.

 _Dunk_

 _Clang_

 _OOMPH!_

"14! Take that you cowardly sons of Uther Pendragon!"

" _HEY"_

"I didn't mean you princess, you're his daughter remember?"

" _GWAINE!_ "

"What is happening here?" asked sir Leon who had just arrived with the reinforcements, only to stop his horse completely bewildered.

 _Whack_

 _Thunk_

"15," Lancelot explained.

"Is that - is that Merlin?"

"Yes."

"Fighting all of the bandits alone?"

"Yup." Gwaine could hardly contain his glee."The idiots took his neckerchief. I've always wanted to see that. Preferably with the princess on the receiving end, but I'm not complaining. At least not much. Speaking of complaining, you brought any ale?"

Everyone ignored the last part.

"16 and that was the last one," Arthur said impressed. "Turns out the idiot is actually good for something once you take his clothes. Remind to take his shirt the next time he has to muck out the stables."

Once Merlin and the knights had mounted their horses, they rode off for Camelot, leaving a bunch of very confused bandits behind, the red neckerchief once again around a certain warlock's throat.


	2. To kill the prince

**Summary:** Someone is plotting to kill Arthur (like that's something new)

A/N: Thank you to Guest and TheOddEntiry for reviewing. It's what keeps me going ;)

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Chapter 2: To kill the prince

Uther was walking down the corridor with his son and the rest of the council when he heard the muffled voice from one of the cupboards.

"I'm going to kill you Arthur Pendragon, and then you can take your stupid armor with you to the grave!"

Every sword in vicinity was drawn at these words, but Uther signaled for them to wait. The assassin seemed to have failed at killing his son once – thwarted by his armor it seemed – and was plotting another attempt unaware that he was being overheard. They could use this advantage to learn his plans and if he had any accomplices before executing him. And his accomplices. Uther smiled at that thought. The more the merrier. They deserved to die, every last one of them for all the grievous wrongs they had done him. Why just yesterday they'd stolen his favorite black tunic. _Oh yes they would burn for that._ He cackled madly in his head.

Presently he commanded one of the guards to open the door slowly revealing Arthur's manservant sitting on the floor polishing his armor with his back turned to them and talking to a broom.


	3. Emrys trumps king

**Summary:** Merlin tells Uther he has magic. *Gulp* This can't end well, can it? Nope because what fun would that be?

A/N: This is a continuation of _To kill the prince_ which will have 2 more parts.

A/N #2: Thank you to those that review. It's great to know that you are enjoying the stories!

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Chapter 3: Emrys trumps king

"Honestly what do you even _do_ to get it this dirty?" Merlin asked the broom. "It looks like you've been rolling in the mud like a pi– you know what, that actually makes sense. I forgive you. I mean you can't exactly choose your ancestry." Here he chuckled before adding, "crown _pig_ of Camelot".

Uther's face had never reddened so much so fast in all of the nobles' memory. "Boy!" he barked.

Merlin stood up and turned around. Upon seeing the king a smile formed on his face. "Ah just the man. Uther Pendragon himself. I guess you have some things to answer for don't you?"

"I am the king, and I answer to no one you insolent boy!"

"Yeah and I'm Emrys, the greatest sorcerer to ever walk this earth, which trumps your lousy title."

A deadly silence settled over the group.

Merlin walked towards Uther pointing his finger accusingly. "I'm conveniently also the LAST dragonlord so do you really want to test me?" At the last word the finger landed on Uther's nose. Which was connected to the very real-and-definitely-not-a-figment-of-his-imagination Uther.

Merlin gulped.

Then he ran at the wall and knocked himself out before the king could.


	4. The trial

**Summary:** Uther is giving Merlin the *fair* trial all sorcerers get. Merlin retaliates by declaring his undying love for...someone.

A/N: One more chapter to go in this mini-series!

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Chapter 4: The trial

"Speak boy!"

Arthur's manservant was standing in the court room looking anywhere else but at him. Gaius – the boy's ward – he remembered, was looking at the boy with an exasperated look on his face.

"I was– I mean to say that I, uh–"

"Oh for god's sake Merlin, say whatever ridiculous lie you've come up with this time so that we can get it over with."

The boy gave Arthur a surprised look, like he couldn't believe Arthur knew he was a liar.  
"The great dragon told me," he blurted out and immediately made a face as if he wanted to hit himself.

Gauis hit himself.

"The amount of times people have accused you of sorcery must have gotten to your he– wait, _what?_ "

Looking like he'd finally found an excuse the boy's face lit up. "I have a grave mental disease," he stated proudly.

Arthur snorted.

"And what exactly is the nature of this illness?" Uther snapped impatiently.

"I'm in love with the dragon."

Uther stared.

Gaius stared.

Arthur looked like the time he'd found Uther sleeping with a duck.

"Gaius?"

"Yes Sire?"

"Get him out of my sight."


	5. Does the dragon love you back?

**Summary:** Arthur needs to talk to Merlin about his... preferences

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Chapter 5: Does the dragon love you back?

"OW!"

"Don't you _ow_ me Merlin, you should be glad I'm not locking you up in the leech tank.

Merlin stopped rubbing his head. "You wouldn't do that Gauis, they'd eat me alive!" he said horrified.

"Somehow I fail to see how that would be a bad thing. _W_ _hat_ were you thinking?"

"I know it isn't the best excuse I've come up with, but It worked when Arthur did it!" he said trying to preserve at least some of his dignity.

"I'd say terrible, but even that is too small a word for what that excuse was Merlin."

"Says the man who can't think past the tavern."

"Tavern?" Gwaine perked up from the cot where he was sleeping off the effects of last night.

At that moment the door opened making Merlin groan. Prince prat had arrived.

"So Merlin, what is this about you loving the enormous fire-breathing, man-eating lizard my father has locked up beneath the castle?"

"Just because you can't get someone to look at you twice princess, doesn't mean you have to get jealous."

Arthur ignored Gwaine. "I swear Merlin, if you tell me the dragon loves you back, I'm going to start calling _you_ an ass."

Great. Arthur would never let him live this down.

* * *

A/N: Let me know if you got the reference at the end. Virtual cookies if you guess right :)


	6. King Uther and his duck

**Summary:** The time when Arthur found Uther sleeping with the duck

Long A/N coming up. You may skip this part if you want to.  
This one's for NC and Lya200, who wanted to know more about the duck and a guest who wanted a story in which Merlin can talk to animals. The reference at the end of _Does the dragon love you back?_ was from Shrek, where the donkey falls in love with the dragon - Arthur calls Merlin an ass. Yeah I know it's not that funny, but I swear it sounded better in my head. Lastly, since this story contains only drabbles I try not to write too long A/Ns, so since I won't be thanking you personally I want you to know that I really appreaciate it a lot when any of you take the time to review my story. You guys are awesome!

On a sidenote: I know I wasn't supposed to post for a while, but the plot bunnies got me.

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Chapter 6: The king and the duck

"The enchantment will last till morning, which means everyone can understand you, but you are not to speak to anyone besides Uther, got it?"

"Affirmative," the duck replied.

Merlin rubbed his hands. The duck had been surprisingly willing. He loved being able to talk to animals.

* * *

Uther sighed. It was on days like this that he missed Ygraine the most. He sat on the bed thinking of those days...

"Uther? Is that you?"

That voice. Uther's neck snapped up, eyes searching, and landing on the duck right in front of him.

"Oh Uther, how I've missed you."

 _Sorcery_

His eyes narrowed. But if he ran the duck through with his sword the voice would be gone too. Gone again. Uther didn't move. His voice laden with emotion he whispered, "Ygraine?"

"Yes Uther. Ygraine. Your Ygraine. On this night, the world of the living and dead are close enough for some spirits to spend the night with the living, although not in their own flesh."

Uther looked at the duck lovingly. "Let us not waste time then," he said opening his arms.

* * *

The delegation from Mercia was about to arrive and there was no sign of his father. Arthur went to wake him.


	7. When Merlin freed Khilgarrah

**Summary:** Merlin frees Kilgharrah, but not quite like you remember it. When did this happen again? Why, in an AU of course.

A/N: This time with a Harry Potter reference. Oh, and I'm back. Hurray?

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Chapter 7: When Merlin freed Kilgharrah

"This might have some side effects. Are you really sure you want to be free today?"

"I did my waiting! Twenty years of it in this cavern without a name!" the dragon roared. "You will release me today. _Now._ How you do it is none of my concern."

"Might have been easier if you hadn't made me throw away the sword that could've done the job just fine. Now it's in the lake with..." he gulped once before looking up at Kilgharrah with puppy eyes no man could resist, "...Freya."

The dragon looked at Merlin.

Merlin sobbed a little, looking even more devastated and heartbroken.

The dragon almost wavered, but then, "Release me. I do not care how you do it."

"Are you really sure? This is a rather nice cave you know. Perfect for saying cryptic stuff and flying off, so that I always make the wrong choice," he bribed.

Kilgharrah growled.

"Fine."

Some spouting of gibberish and a flash of gold.

"Free!" the great and mighty dragon Kilgharrah squeaked.

 _Squeaked?_

"Young warlock?" he called in a low and dangerous voice.

"...Yes?"

"Why am I a lizard?"

Merlin bolted from the cave.


	8. Grandfather?

**Summary:** Arthur thinks of what Merlin would like old, which reminds him of someone...

A/N: This one's to NC: I don't promise anything, but I'll try. Did you want lizard-Khilgarrah to catch him or big-Khilgarrah?

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Chapter 8: Grandfather?

Merlin was sitting on the floor polishing Arthur's boots. That is to say, he was sitting on the floor with a boot in his lap, and a rag in his hand, a faraway look on his face. Arthur on the other hand, was sitting at his desk working on some reports and definitely not staring at Merlin scrubbing at the empty air.

When he'd gotten bored of staring at his manservant doing nothing he asked.

"What's wrong Merlin?"

Merlin looked up, and still with that faraway gaze walked over and sat besides Arthur.

"I don't wanna grow old," he said solemnly. "And turn wrinkly, and have back pain, and-" here he paused for effect. "- a long and ugly beard".

"Well you don't have to worry about that, what with the mess we're in every other day you'll be lucky to survive the winter." _I have to stop asking_ he thought to himself.

"Yeah. You're right," Merlin said suddenly bright again.

 _Idiot_

Arthur however entertained the old-Merlin notion a bit longer. He envisioned Merlin with gnarly hands and a beard. He smirked and gave old-Merlin that awful beard Dragoon had had.

 _Wait a minute_

"Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Who is Dragoon?"


	9. My destiny

**Summary:** I do it for you Arthur. Because you are my destiny.

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Chapter 9: My destiny

"Merlin?"

"What is it _now_ Arthur?" Merlin asked exasperated.

Ever since Arthur had come to terms with him being a warlock and a dragonlord, he'd been asking Merlin the most ridiculous questions. Honestly, when Arthur had asked him if he could use magic to throw someone against a wall Merlin had been tempted to ask him if he was sure he wasn't related to drunk-Gwaine.

"Why do you do this?"

"Do _what?_ "

"You know, protect me, and all those things."

"Stupid dragon and his stupid coin," he muttered.

"What?"

"It's my destiny."

"What is?"

"I swear Arthur, no one's as thick as you. I do it because of you. Because YOU are my destiny."

Arthur looked at Merlin like he'd sprouted a second head. In his armpit. And it was Percival's head.

"I'm... flattered Merlin, but you see... my feelings for Gwen are true, and she feels the same way about me too–"

" _WHAT?!_ You – you thought that I– and with _you,_ ew, ew. _Ew_. That is disgusting. What's _wrong_ with you? I can never unthink that now." He shuddered violently.

"It's my destiny to protect you and make you a great king. Not, not _that._ "

He left the room plotting to smother Arthur with a pillow once he'd fallen asleep. Prat.


	10. The sweating sickness

**Summary:** A deadly disease has struck Camelot, and Arthur is sick.

A/N: A profound thank you to all of you that follow, favorite, review, and most importantly enjoy the story!

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Chapter 10: The sweating sickness

The sweating sickness had had another outbreak and the whole castle was waiting with bathed breath for it to pass. There was no cure yet, and most of the sick were dead within a few hours. Gaius had been in a right state, running this way and that in his old age, tending to the patients in addition to his usual rounds. He had just delivered a pain-relieving potion to Sir Elyan, who was in a meeting with the rest of the knights, when Merlin burst into the room.

"Arthur is sick," he announced gravely.

All of the knights looked up at him shocked, although Lancelot couldn't keep a small glimmer of hope from shining in his eyes. _Keep it together Lance,_ he thought to himself.

"He is completely utterly sick, and he can take his perverted mind and-"

What followed was a string of cusswords so detailed that all eyes in the room went round, Percival covered Leon's ears and even Gwaine was dumbstruck.

His tirade over, Merlin turned around and exited the room, leaving all remaining ear's innocence shattered behind him.

Except Gwaine's. His ears hadn't been innocent for a long time.

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A/N #2: This is (sort of) part 2 of _My destiny._


	11. Shortage in Camelot

**Summary:** The crown prince of Camelot has everything he desires, right? Wrong. And now Arthur is suffering.

A/N: _The sweating sickness_ does not have a part 2. Sorry.

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Chapter 11: Shortage in Camelot

"Sorry I'm late Arthur, honest, it wasn't my fault this time."

"Just do your chores Merlin," Arthur sighed.

Merlin hurriedly began picking up things from the floor in case Arthur remembered to punish him. When Arthur didn't even insult him, Merlin turned around and saw Arthur staring at the table dejectedly.

"Is everything alright?"

"No."

 _Great._ "It's another ridiculous half-this and half-that creature attacking again, isn't it?"

"No."

"Immortal army?" he tried.

"No."

Maybe the prat had a fever. Merlin put a hand on his forehead, which was normal. He groaned.

"Please don't tell me you are planning to elope again."

"What?"

"Or climb the castle wall with a rose in your mouth, or– "

"I have nothing to throw," Arthur said morosely.

Merlin looked at the goblet in Arthur's hand and quickly agreed.

"I have thrown boots at you. I've thrown goblets, apples, spoons, water…"

The list went on and on, ending, with the cook's left mitten. Merlin still didn't understand how Arthur had managed to get that. "So," he asked tentatively, " _you_ want _me_ to find you something new to throw at _me_?"

Arthur nodded hopefully.

Merlin sighed. "I'll see what I can do"


	12. When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 2

**Summary:** Merlin turned Kilgharrah into a lizard and to take revenge the great dragon/lizard has kidnapped Merlin and Sir Leon.

A/N: As requested NC, here is part 2 of I don't know how many more. I wrote and posted this today especially for you, and I hope you get well soon. What happened?

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Chapter 12: When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 2

Waking up, Merlin tried to move only to find his arms bound at his sides. Cracking one eye open he found Sir Leon likewise tied upright to a stalagmite staring at him.

 _Now all we need is Geoffrey to pronounce us husband and wife. But which of us would be the wife?_

"What's so funny Merlin?" Leon snapped.

 _Well that settles it_

Merlin quickly wiped the grin off his face. "Nothing." He looked around at the cave they were in and asked, "where are we?"

"Well Merlin, you are exactly where I want you to be," a high-pitched voice said.

"And why do you want Merlin here? Never mind that. _How_ did you get us here… lizard?" Leon asked.

"You will address me as Kilgharrah, the mighty lord of the lizards!" At this outburst hundreds of lizards crawled forth, stopping behind Kilgharrah. "As to how I got you here it was a simple matter of spiking your food when you were dining with Gaius last night. You, Sir Leon are my insurance." He smiled at Merlin knowing he wouldn't be able to use magic. "Now we await the cavalry," he said, and they all crawled away.

"What's going on Merlin?"

"Do you really expect me to understand the motives of a talking lizard, Sir Leon?"

"Good point."


	13. When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 3

**Summary:** Arthur and the knights - minus Gwaine - ride out to save Sir Leon and Merlin from the clutches of an evil lizard.

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Chapter 13: When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 3

Arthur looked at the letter in his hand with a look of incredulousness on his face. Merlin really was going to incredible lengths to shirk his duties. _Kidnapped by lizards?_ Yeah right, and Arthur had a troll for a stepmother. There was a moment of silence.

 _Oh sod it, they really have been kidnapped by lizards._

* * *

"I am not going," Gwaine said taking a swig of mead. "I've encountered them before. Vicious creatures. They swarm you and get in under your clothes and -" he gestured for all of them to come closer, "-then they tickle you till you beg for death, and still they do not stop."

He flipped his magnificent hair and walked away to wherever handsome, hair-flipping, drunk knights went when they weren't fighting lizard armies.

Arthur looked at him disgustedly. "Mount your horses."

"Shouldn't we at least inform Gauis about Merlin's situation?"

"It's tiny lizards Percival, I think the knights of Camelot are more than a match for them."

* * *

Gaius looked at the bedraggled, beaten knights standing in his chambers.

"There were 300 of them Gauis. Giant 8 feet tall lizard-scorpion hybrid monsters. We couldn't save him."


	14. When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 4

**Summary:** The knights of the round table ride out to vanquish the lizards once and for all, armed with... chicken fat?

A/N: One more part to go, which I'll hopefully post tomorrow. Thank you, as always for reading!

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Chapter 14: When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 4

"It says here that these lizards have a strong aversion to loud sounds, Sire."

"That's easy, no one is as loud as the knights of Camelot, but what if they still get close enough to climb?"

"A body rubbed in chicken grease is a body extremely hard to climb", the physician said, a mischievous glint in his eye.

* * *

The cook looked up at the Sirs Percival and Gwaine. "And what exactly do you need a vat of chicken grease for?"

"We need it to rub onto our bodies," Percival stated simply.

The cook went red and pointed to a corner before hurrying away.

* * *

Merlin was sweating. He hadn't told Kilgharrah that the lizard-turning spell would only last five days. This being the fifth day, every time Kilgharrah came into their small cave, Merlin's sudden and completely irrational fear of being flattened under a dragon rump intensified.

To his relief however, just then an onslaught of noise reached them, causing Kilgharrah to streak out. Merlin took the opportunity while Leon was distracted to release himself (with magic), and then untying Leon too (without magic), before hastily making his way towards the commotion.


	15. When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 5

**Summary:** The lizard army has been immobilized, but Kilgharrah has turned back into a dragon. How will our heroes win if Merlin can't use his Dragonlord powers without being revealed? Mini-series finale.

A/N: Merry early christmas! May you have an awesome time and receive lots of gifts!

A/N #2: That's a tough one NC, but I'll try.

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Chapter 15: When Merlin freed Kilgharrah part 5

Merlin wasn't sure how much more weirdness he could take. The knights of the round table coming to their rescue he understood, but why were they screaming and banging their chests? Why were they oiled up? Why where they severely underdressed? And why was Elyan sporting a live chicken? _In each hand?!_

Whatever the knights were doing seemed to be working. Merlin and Leon navigated through the frozen lizards towards Arthur and the rest, and upon catching up they stood there unsure of what to do.

Arthur glared at them. Merlin and Leon joined in on the shouting and just then Kilgharrah turned back into a dragon. Kilgharrah roared, but the knights were too consumed by testosterone to notice little things like huge dragons about to incinerate them. _Why not?_ Merlin thought, and he started shouting in the dragon language.

Everyone stopped.

"… Err. Go away?"

The dragon flew away.

Arthur walloped Merlin over the head. "I can't take you anywhere."

Merlin spluttered indignantly before looking Arthur up and down, and smiling evilly. "Of course you are right, my lord. Shall we get back to the palace then?"


	16. Percival's secret

**Summary:** It's Yule and all the knights are learning different kinds of magic, but no one knows what Percival's doing.

A/N: This is my attempt at a christmas fic (does mentioning Yule once make it a christmas fic?) Also, cause it's the season today's story is longer than the rest. Enjoy!

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Chapter 16: Percival's secret

King Arthur was determined to impress the visiting royal by any means necessary. Since magic was practised freely under King Boread's reign Arthur had decreed that all the knights specialize in some sort of magic to show the King that his knights were skilled in more than just weaponry.

Ever since the ban on magic had been lifted in Camelot, new merchandise had been flooding the market, including candy sweeter than anyone had ever tasted and that had Arthur addicted. The king was never seen without a pouch of goodies wherever he went, sucking on them like a babe even in council meetings.

To everyone's surprise Sir Gwaine had decided to become an ale magician. His greatest prank yet had been when he'd enchanted some mead to look and taste like water, and then gotten George the perfect servant drunk.

No one hid what they were doing except Percival. That he did practise magic was evident as every day the bags under his eyes got bigger, and strange smells could be smelled from his chambers. Everyone had tried to coax it out of him, but Percival had not yet cracked. It was the biggest mystery in the castle. That, and where Gwaine's socks were disappearing to. Having the smelliest socks in the entire castle it was a wonder the sock thief hadn't died yet.

Still Merlin, Arthur and the rest of the knights had decided to get the truth out of Percival, and after dinner they cornered him in his chambers.

"We demand that you tell us what magic you're practising for the yule feast," Gwaine said.

The look on Percival's face was that of a cornered man as he glanced at Arthur who was happily munching candy. He shook his head.

"Very well Percival. I'm the king and you're my subject which makes you honour-bound to answer me truthfully," Arthur said popping another sweet in his mouth.

"How very clever and original of you Sire," Merlin muttered under his breath.

"The worse they smell, the better it tastes." Seeing everyone's confused looks, Percival closed his eyes in defeat. He slumped his shoulders and said, "I use magic to turn socks into candy."


	17. At the tavern

**Summary:** Everyone's drunk and Leon has some revelations. Warning: Slight breaking of the 4th wall.

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Chapter 17: At the tavern

An unhealthy amount of mugs were littered on the table in front of the knights. Gwaine was hardly showing any signs of the mead affecting him, being just as loud and childish as he always was.

Lancelot on the other hand had started recounting how his life had been one miserable event after another, Elyan was snoring loudly with his head on the table and Arthur was giggling at everything. Percival was just sitting there, eyes unfocused and a bit of drool making its way down his chin.

Gwaine focused on Leon. The senior knight was not that drunk yet and seemed to be pondering something.

"Something on your mind mate?"

"Ever notice how we – Arthur's closest knights – are all really good-looking?"

Gwaine flipped his hair nonchalantly. "Nope. Never crossed my mind."

Leon started counting on his fingers. "We have you with your hair, Elyan with his dark complexion and flawless skin, my blond hair and blue eyes, and Lance of course with the face of an angel. And come on, Percival never covers his arms even when he's wearing chainmail, which is stupid AND inconvenient."

Gwaine looked over at Arthur. "Creep."

"Sometimes-" Leon continued "-I feel like the producers are catering too much towards the female audience."

Gwaine snorted. "Have you _seen_ the necklines on those dresses?"


	18. Magical hurricanes

**Summary:** Arthur is finally back, but how will he handle the modern world?

* * *

Chapter 18: Magical hurricanes

Merlin could already feel a headache building as he massaged his temples. He had never imagined it would be this hard for the newly reincarnated Arthur to adapt to his new environment. He had honestly expected the prat to be shocked, but of course Arthur couldn't behave like any normal dead-medieval-king-recently-brought-back-to-life.

Nooo

Instead of having his brain fried by all the new technology surrounding him, Arthur had started inventing new names for things even when Merlin had been fully prepared to divulge the information.

Arthur's mistrust might have had something to do with the fact that Merlin had tried to convince him that forks were now called 'dinglehoppers'.

Thus the refrigerator was dubbed 'the cupboard of eternal winter' and cars were 'metal carriages pulled by loud and benevolent spirits'. Merlin, frankly, did not want to know what went on in Arthur's head.

"MERLIN!"

"WHAT?" he yelled back annoyed, pulled out of his reverie.

"I need you to summon the magical hurricane."

 _What?_

"Hurry up Merlin, I'm done using the chamber pots, now summon the magical hurricane."

Merlin groaned. "For god's sake Arthur flush the toilet yourself!"


	19. Ransoming Emrys

**Summary** : Some ex-druids get the brilliant idea of kidnapping Merlin...

* * *

Chapter 19: Ransoming Emrys

It had been a routine patrol in the woods, meaning of course something was bound to go wrong. Which was why Merlin was lagging behind deliberately keeping the rough-tough-save-the-world-kind-of-men safe from any actual harm. What he hadn't taken into account was that someone would intentionally target _him_ and not Arthur _._

The knights had just ridden out of sight when something whistled through the air and burrowed itself in Merlin's neck. The last thing he saw before his vision darkened was several hooded figures striding out of the woods.

"Hurry up and get the magic-binding chains on him."

Something was fastened around his wrists, but what the ex-druids didn't know was that Merlin didn't just have magic. He _was_ magic. And they had just bound his magic. Meaning they had bound all the magic in Albion; causing Kilgharrah to fall out of the sky and somewhere in the forest a druid leader's wife to scold her husband because he couldn't turn their tent back to its original colour.

* * *

The next day a slightly dazed and rumpled Merlin was found outside the city gates. Attached to him was a note reading:

 _We are very sorry. Please take your Emrys back._


	20. When Arthur truly became king

**Summary:** While the druids kidnapped Merlin, Morgana prepared her army to attack Camelot.

A/N: The prompt for this one was from NC (you'll know which one).

* * *

Chapter 20: When Arthur truly became king

Lord Agravaine brought his horse up to where Morgana was addressing her army.

"Today we end the tyranny of the Pendragons," her voice boomed, magically amplified. "King Arthur and his most trusted knights have left the castle and once we have taken Camelot he will return just in time for his own execution." Seeing the men she had gathered in front of her she smirked once for good luck. "NOW MAR-"

Everyone covered their ears as a roar split the air. Morgana looked up as a dragon hurtled towards them, eyes wild and claws extended. Her eyes flashed gold, but nothing happened.

* * *

"The ones with good sense threw down their weapons and fled, and those that didn't were crushed by the dragon. Auntie Morgana was flattened under the dragon's butt – and that is how daddy became the sole heir to the throne. The end."

The little girl on Arthur's lap giggled. "Daddy said 'butt'".

And then she took off, still laughing.

* * *

A/N #2: Anyone else ever marvel at how many armies Morgana had in the show? Arthur barely had one!


	21. Arthur and Gwen's wedding

**Summary:** Or rather what came after...

* * *

Chapter 22: Arthur and Gwen's wedding

Elyan had a pained look on his face. "Why can't the actual guards guard the doors to the king's chambers like they do every day?"

Lancelot had never stood as straight and stiff in his life before. "Because the guards have been working night and day to ensure the royal wedding proceeded without any incident. They deserve a good night's rest."

"There are some things a brother cannot be expected to do even if his king commands him," Elyan grimaced. "I'm leaving."

"Why are you leaving your post, Sir Elyan?" Leon asked, rounding the corner.

"I have to go do a Gwaine if you'll excuse me."

"What, are you going to drink yourself to oblivion?" Leon joked.

Elyan looked him dead in the eyes. "Exactly." And he wandered off.

 _What was that about?_

He kept walking when he saw Lancelot, who was looking distinctly green like he was about to be sick. Leon didn't even bother asking and just pointed in the direction Elyan had gone.

On the other side of the heavy oak doors Gwen giggled, and then she and Arthur high-fived.

* * *

A/N: It was a prank that Gwen and Arthur played on Elyan and Lancelot. Rating is and will hopefully stay K+


	22. Singing for supper

**Summary:** Gwaine has to prove his worth in hopes of a meal...

A/N: I know updates are getting slower (sorry) but I'm trying my best. On a completely unrelated note: My school has started again!

* * *

Chapter 23: Singing for supper

"As long as you are prepared to sing for it."

Morgana motioned for the guards, who dragged Gwaine out of the cell leaving Elyan and Gaius behind.

"I hope he has a great singing voice," Elyan said, oblivious as always.

Gaius rolled his eyes. The poor boy clearly didn't know what an idiom was. He shuddered at what horrors Morgana had planned for Sir Gwaine...

* * *

"That was beautiful," Helios sobbed.

Morgana was trying hard to hide it, but a few tears fell down her face. "Another one," she managed to choke out.

Gwaine cleared his throat and launched into another song, making all the men in the room shriek. At one point someone in the crowd even shouted, "Marry me!"

Gwaine simply flipped his hair in response, making many faint on the spot. _Just like any other day then._

When his next song ended his captors couldn't control themselves and they promptly attacked Sir Gwaine, trying to touch any part of him that they could and effectively shredding his shirt in the process.

* * *

As an exhausted Gwaine was led into the cell shirtless and covered in scratches, Gaius could only hope that they would be rescued soon.


	23. Sir Gwaine's drunken mistake

**Summary:** Sir Gwaine is drunk and makes the biggest mistake of his life.

A/N : I notice I haven't said this in a while, but I am humbled by your incredible response. It doesn't take long to leave a reply, but it makes my day and for that I thank all of you! On that happy note, I think I might've finally lost my marbles...

* * *

Chapter 24: Sir Gwaine's drunken mistake

"No way!"

"What happened after that?"

Arthur paused as he heard Elyan and Percival's voice coming from Leon's room. He silently moved closer trying to find out why his knights were sounding so horrified.

"Well," he heard Gwaine's voice say, "we were both really drunk and, you know…"

The voice turned into a whisper and Arthur pressed his ear to the doors straining to hear, but the doors were for once doing their intended job and he got nothing. Rather than being discouraged by this Arthur just pressed harder when he suddenly jerked his head back as loud voices erupted from the other side.

"Gwaine please tell me you didn't do it!"

 _That was Merlin's voice_

"Arthur is going to kill you, _"_ Leon stated disgustedly.

 _What had Gwaine done now?_ Arthur quickly ran through a list of things he might kill Gwaine over when it finally clicked. _Guinevere._

Sword in hand he burst into the room to see a bunch of guilty faces staring back at him.

"YOU!" he shouted at Gwaine. (What he said next can not be included because of the rating on this fic)

Gwaine stood up brandishing his finger at Arthur where a ring glistened. "Is that any way to talk to your mother?!"

Arthur promptly fainted.


	24. Birds and rats

**Summary:** Merlin has to stop Arthur from being a prat. In other words, a completely normal day.

A/N: This one is set in the universe of _Merlin's Merlin_ by MythologyStar (written with author's full permission) on the prompt from Shadowdragon1317: _That's a fun touch. I like to think that if she gets annoyed by something, she can just leave a little surprise in someone's soup or kingly cloak._ _(Interpret that how you may.)_

If you haven't read the story, it's set after Arthur has become king and married Gwen. Or you know, you could always go ahead and read it!

* * *

Chapter 25: Birds and rats

"Arthur this isn't the right thing to do and you know it. You have to let go of your father's anger and be your own man, because you know deep in your heart that this is all wrong."

"Nice try, _Mer_ lin, but I'm not falling for your wisdom façade this time, although I don't blame you entirely. You have been blinded by your love for her, but as you king and master I ask you to step aside so that I can do what has to be done."

"No, I won't let you behead my pet falcon just because she pooped!"

"She pooped on my throne-"

"She doesn't know any better!"

"-while I was sitting on it!"

"… She caught the rat you always complain about in your chamber."

"And left the carcass in my bed…"

"Well, um, it was a very nice kill. Did you give her a treat for it?"

"Scared Guinevere half to death."

"I'm sure Gwen's seen worse, I bet it was you that was frightened of the blood, my Lord."

"THE STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT!"

"Err… they are very nice Pendragon red stains?"

"Get. Out."


	25. The horrors of the silver jug

**Summary:** In a strange AU, Morgana ends up kidnapping Arthur instead of Merlin (A servant of two masters).

A/N: Actually this is what happens after a brainwashed Arthur returns.

A/N #2: Thank you SO SO much to each and every one of you that faved/followed or reviewed! You make me the happiest fool on earth!

* * *

Chapter 26: The horrors of the silver jug

 _CLANG_

"Why did you knock out the King of Camelot with a silver jug?"

"Because it isn't Arthur, it's an impostor."

"And how do you know that?" Gauis inquired.

"He called me Gwen, not Guinevere. He always calls me Guinevere!"

"You just assumed that because he used the pet name EVERYONE uses for you, he is Morgana's evil puppet trying to kill us all?"

"Sorry. I think I overreacted a bit."

Gaius raised The eyebrow of Doom.

"A lot. I overreacted a lot."

* * *

 _CLANG_

"Merlin, what have I said about dragging unconscious kings into my chambers."

"This is an emergency Gauis. He's been enchanted!" Merlin said a bit hysterically.

"What happened?"

"He called me Merlin!"

"Maybe because it's your name?"

"No, you don't understand! He said Merlin, not _Mer_ lin. You have to fix him, Gauis!"

Gaius drew a long breath. "Just use you magic to awaken him and get out of my sight."

Arthur opened his eyes at that moment. "Merlin has magic?!"

Merlin looked at Gauis.

Gaius looked at Merlin.

 _CLANG_

* * *

 _CLANG_

"What did he say now?!" Gauis asked Gwaine.

"Say? You mean it isn't Hit-the-King-of-Camelot-with-a-silver-jug day today?"

"NO!"

"Awww," Gwaine sulked, "I even brought my own jug."


	26. Don't die, Merlin!

**Summary:** Wait, Arthur is NOT being a prat?!

* * *

Chapter 27: Don't die, Merlin!

Arthur looked up at Gauis even as dread flooded him. "Where's Merlin?"

"He's still in bed, Sire."

Arthur immediately put on his boots and was out of the door before he could hear the rest of what Gauis would say, and less than five minutes later he was outside Merlin's room.

His hands shook as he slowly opened the door to where Merlin would be writhing in pain, the magically inflicted wounds refusing to stop bleeding no matter what Gauis tried. Or he would be too weak to do even that as his malnourished body wouldn't have the strength to wipe the sweat that would be adorning his forehead as his fever reached dangerous levels. Or he would be lying there completely still, his body having given up the battle and now struggling to just keep him alive. Or he would be sitting in bed – reading a book?

"You're not dying?"

"No," Merlin looked alarmed, "Should I be?"

"No mortal wounds? Are you overworked? Did they torture you? Can Gauis not afford to properly feed you?"

"No. Yes! No one this week…" His stomach rumbled.

"I'll bring food at once, just don't die Merlin!"

Merlin's brow furrowed. That was incredibly thoughtful of Arthur. And on his day off too…

* * *

A/N: Just a a parody of all those 'Merlin is dying after some horrible torture/accident and Arthur takes care of him.' Except Arthur still ends up taking care of him cause heaven knows Merlin deserves it!


	27. An ode to Anas platyrhynchos

**Summary:** Ygraine (as a duck) is back again! How will a jealous Uther cope, when it seems like Sir Leon is falling for her too?

A/N: This is a V-day prompt from NC: may we have a Valentine's one where strait-laced and proper Leon falls for the same duck that Merlin had enchanted to talk to Uther. Then a sequel where Uther finds out that his "Ygraine" is with Leon?

A/N #2: No word count, I just went bananas with this one. In case you haven't, I recommend you read chapter 7 first. Have fun!

* * *

Chapter 28: An ode to Anas platyrhynchos

There was almost no one in the lower town, so naturally when Tom heard a large crowd clapping somewhere, it made sense that he went in that direction. Tom was, after all, a very sensible man. Surely the more people he happened upon, the higher the chances would be of someone knowing his cousin Sam and being able to show him where he lived.

The noises led him to a tournament of some sort and his eyes scanned the crowd as they _Ooohed_ at a particularly fine blow one combatant landed at the other. Everyone seemed way too excited at the spilling of some poor chap's blood and Tom discarded those at once. Especially the ones that were frothing around the mouth.

A boy in brown jacket, red shirt and with a blue neckerchief tied around his neck stood alone, looking like the only one not approving of what was happening. This was whom Tom would ask. After all, the boy seemed to be the only one who had been sensible enough to have wrapped blue cloth around his neck. Every year too many were lost to the fluffy murderous rabbits that tore out the poor victims throat, when the solution was as simple as tying red or blue around your neck. _A sensible man,_ Tom thought approvingly.

"Mighty fine day, eh?"

The man startled before turning to him. "Yes, I suppose so. Can I help you with anything?"

"Well, you wouldn't happen to know where Samuel, son of Gregor lives, would you?"

"His house is on the other side of town. I can take you there myself if you don't mind waiting for the King and his most trusted knight's fight-to-the-death-because-you-stroked- _my_ -duck to be over."

"Come again?" He must have heard wrong. Surely no sensible king would ever fight a knight over a duck? The boy must be pulling his leg, trying to gauge how sensible he actually was.

The boy simply pointed to the stands where, lo and behold, a duck was sitting on several pillows so that she could see the fight properly. Tom was still not buying this, but when the man in the square helmet (terribly inconvenient since his head is round after all) lost his shield, the duck quacked _approvingly?_

"Come on, Leon. Kill the old bugger already," the boy muttered.

"Sure you could handle another one of Leon's _ode to_ _Anas platyrhynchos?"_ (or Ana, as he liked to call her in private.)

Tom didn't know when the other man had joined them, which was a feat in it itself considering how drunk he obviously was. Tom wrinkled his nose as the smell of ale reached him from the other side of the boy.

He shifted his attention to the battle just as the round helmeted man thrust his sword in his enemy's gut, twisting it once for good measure before yanking it out savagely. As people started chanting ( _LONG LIVE THE KING!)_ Tom couldn't help feel a little sad for the lad that had met an untimely end.

The king removed his helmet and lifted his sword in the air victoriously, his eyes never leaving the duck. The duck in question stood up (not that it made any difference) and gracefully lifted a wing in the air, so that the sun shone on her blue spot while simultaneously ruffling her feather's, leaving everyone stunned at her beauty.

"You show'em girl!" the drunk hollered.

"GOD DAMN IT, GWAINE. STOP CORRUPTING THE POULTRY!"

Seeing that no one cared that the reigning monarch was kissing a duck's wing, or that the previously definitely dead knight was alive again, Tom turned around and left Camelot.

He was after all, a sensible man.


	28. Camelot cells are very nice cells

**Summary:** Merlin has been imprisoned, and Arthur is on a rescue mission.

A/N: I am so glad you guys liked _An ode to Ana._ Just a fun fact: the rabid rabbits were supposed to be a Monty Python reference. (I'm working on my reference skills so that someone will actually get them one day :P)

* * *

Chapter 29: Camelot cells are very nice cells (sponsored by Arthur)

Arthur was sneaking through the dungeons, trying to find Merlin. _Why was he sneaking through his own dungeons?_ you might wonder. Ah, you see, in a rare fit of madness someone other than Arthur or his father had imprisoned Merlin (and no, he was not jealous.)

In the third cell on the left Arthur finally glanced the form of his scrawny manservant. He deftly pulled out the key he had stolen earlier and unlocked the door. " _Mer_ lin," he hissed. "Get up you, idiot. We're escaping."

"Nah, I don't really fancy it."

"Why not?" Arthur said bewildered. "You are a prisoner; you're supposed to _want_ to escape."

"Allow me to burst your happy bubble, Sire. I don't want to escape because I'm happy here."

"How can you be happy in this stinking place?

"No chores?"

"You are in a bloody cell, _Mer_ lin. I can put you in Camelot cells, if it's imprisonment you so desire. Now, let's go."

"They have better food here," Merlin sniffed indignantly. "And they gave me a slab of stone and a blanket to sleep on. Not some musty hay."

"Camelot has very nice cells," Arthur said, wounded.

"These people," Merlin said like a man making a very valid point, "gave me a bucket."


	29. The Rabbit Curse

**Summary:** Merlin, Arthur and lots of bunnies. Mandatory fluff ensues.

A/N: Written on a prompt/idea from yummypie193: Arthur calls Merlin stupid and then gets his throat thorn out by rabbits.

A/N #2: Don't worry, Arthur survives the bunny encounter. I exceeded the word count but instead of splitting the chapter in two, you get it all at once. (because you guys are awesome!)

* * *

Chapter 30: The Rabbit Curse

"It's not like I'm an adult with a functioning brain or anything, Merlin. Of course your red scarf wards off evil murderous bunnies."

"Blue scarfs work too." Merlin couldn't help rolling his eyes, "But you're missing the point. The Rabbit Curse has been inflicted on Camelot because we hunt down innocent adorable animals without reason!"

Arthur was about to point out that bunny stew tasting delicious was a _very_ good reason to hunt rabbits when he heard a rustle in the forest. He held up his fist in a signal even Merlin correctly interpreted as shut up, and crept through the forest silently when he stumbled upon a warren of some of the plumpest, fluffiest white rabbits he had ever beheld.

He carefully pulled a throwing dagger out of his belt when he noticed that the rabbits had congregated on a human body. The realisation startled him into accidentally stepping on a twig, making a dozen or so glowing eyes (why did the bunnies have glowing red eyes?!) to swivel towards him.

"Drop the dagger, Arthur," Merlin whispered from his side.

Arthur suppressed a very manly yelp and let the dagger fall to the ground.

"What now?"

"You have to promise to stop killing rabbits. You are the king; your vow will undo the curse."

The biggest rabbit had put its front paws on the dead man's chest and as Arthur watched, it lowered its mouth and licked at the bloodied throat. He gulped, "I, Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, promise that no citizen from my kingdom shall ever hunt a rabbit again."

Satisfied with Arthur's promise Merlin knocked him out with a lump of wood. He'd just tell Arthur that the lifting of the curse had unleashed a powerful magic that made him lose consciousness. After all, it had worked before. Next he undid the enchantment on the eyes of the rabbits before wiping off the strawberry smeared at the unconscious (not dead) man's throat.

He had successfully made sure Arthur would never hurt a cute and fuzzy bunny again.

He was lying in the midst of said bunnies that were running around him or nuzzling him.

The prat was fast asleep.

Today had been a good day.


	30. Courage, Strength and Magic

**Summary:** _As Courage, there are two more things you'll need to complete your quest: Strength. And magic_. Arthur finally puts two and two together...

A/N: I don't really have anything to say so... Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

* * *

Chapter 31: Courage, Strength and Magic

Arthur woke up feeling groggy but refreshed after a full nights sleep. Who'd have thought the Perilous Lands would be so… perilous. For some reason he still didn't understand, his latest quest had taken a lot more out of him than almost everything he'd been up to lately. He was more than ready to leave it all behind now that it was over, but the words of the 'keeper of the bridge' still puzzled him.

 _As Courage, there are two more things you'll need to complete your quest: Strength. And magic._

 _Courage_

He'd chosen the hardest quest there was. If that wasn't courageous, Arthur didn't know what was.

 _Strength_

The whole thing had been one show of strength after another. Bandits, nearly fatal mud and wyverns. Phew, it was all rather exhausting.

 _Magic_

Arthur shot up in his bed. He had used magic! Obviously it had happened after he fell unconscious, how else had the wyverns been defeated and their bodies vanished? _Foes defeated and bodies vanished_ _while he was unconscious…_

Oh God, he had killed The Great Dragon with his magic!

Merlin's voice drifted up from his subconscious, _You dealt it a mortal blow._

Great. Of all the people to know his secret. "I'm doomed," he moaned pathetically.


	31. Arthur's magic reveal

**Summary:** Arthur has decided that since Merlin already knows about his magic, it's only logical to ask him to help him keep it secret. Sequel to: Courage, Strength and Magic

A/N: Written for NC the Prompter: May we have one where Arthur "confesses" his magic to Merlin and makes Merlin promise to help him control it?

A/N #2: The amount of love and support you have given me is overwhelming and something I definitely don't feel worthy of. I humbly thank all of you that have given this story a chance.

Are we going to hit _200(!)_ reviews today? Find out in the next chapter of Seriously :)

* * *

Chapter 32: Arthur's magic reveal

"Since you are aware of this," Arthur paused, "condition, I have decided you get the honour of assisting me in our valiant effort to keep it secret."

"Gwen already knows you sleep with your wooden toy sword, Sire."

"I'm serious, Merlin."

"So am I," Merlin deadpanned.

Arthur filed away the information in his ever-growing list of 'things-he-would-one-day-throttle-his-manservant-for'. "I'm talking about what happened after I fell unconscious in the battle against The Great Dragon."

"Oh," Merlin said nervously, "That condition."

 _Finally_. "Will you help me keep my magic secret then?"

"Your?!" His voice went up several octaves before he got it under control. _"Your_ magic, Sire?"

"Haven't you noticed how all our problems are solved after I get knocked out?" Arthur didn't know why, but Merlin definitely looked guilty at that.

"Maybe it's luck?" he suggested.

"Aha! That's where you're wrong, Merlin. Because I have the ultimate proof."

"Which is?"

"Conveniently falling branches."

Merlin's left eye twitched. "Maybe it's _I_ who am the sorcerer?"

Arthur laughed. "Everyone knows you need a somewhat functioning brain to be a sorcerer, _Mer_ lin."

Even the guard standing outside that had been eavesdropping, agreed that Arthur deserved the beating Merlin gave him after that.


	32. The dangers of time travel

**Summary:** King Arthur and his manservant Merlin go back to a time where Prince Arthur and his manservant Merlin live. Uther is alive again, a boar with the power to create time traveling portals is after them, and the people of Camelot are not amused. Tag to _The once and future queen_.

A/N: Merging of NC and yummypie193's prompts (hope you don't mind): The guards know.

A/N #2: We did it! Not just 200 reviews, we overshot! I'm so happy I could dance with my kitten. Now I'll just have to get a kitten... You guys are no longer awesome, you are the stuff awesome sauce is made of :D

* * *

Chapter 33: The dangers of time travel

Merlin and Arthur had left the castle a couple of hours ago. The inhabitants were just getting ready to relax when a blue swirling portal opened in the middle of the court room spitting out - you guessed it - Merlin and Arthur. Figures.

Arthur looked around, gobsmacked. "Father?!"

Merlin gave Arthur a _look._ "Yes, let's all rejoice over the fact that your homicidal and overly paranoid father is alive again," he said drily.

A few of the closest council members inched away from Uther.

"Shut up, Merlin."

"How about I shut up after I remind you that we should keep running before the Boar of When comes through and eats us?"

"Good point. Resume running."

"Arthur, why are your clothes pink?" Uther said, reinforcing Merlin's belief that there was something seriously wrong with Pendragon priorities.

"You miss ONE red sock in the whites..." he muttered.

A grunt came from the portal making Arthur and Merlin run again. As they were passing a guard, Merlin slowed down and pressed a note in his hand. "List of baddies and the dates they'll try to invade Camelot. Ignore me and the old man calling himself Dragoon."

"Errr-"

"Do it and Uther will be dead within the year."

"Deal," the guard said at once.

Another portal appeared at the opposite side of the room. Arthur shouted: "Merlin" once for good measure before jumping through.

Merlin flashed the guard a grin before he too jumped through the portal.

No one moved. They were sure that _someone_ ought to be doing _something,_ but at the same time it was oddly reassuring to see that the prince and his manservant hadn't changed one bit...


	33. The Smoulder

**Summary:** Gwen finds the knights in a compromising situation and Gwaine decides to use The Smoulder. Featuring Tangled references, shameless stealing of movie dialogue and the return of the silver jug.

A/N: Silver jugs will soon be sold in Seedsiz's store of weirdness. LIMITED EDITION. For an extra silver piece, etch your name with "I hit the king!" *wink to NC*

A/N #2: The idea for this comes from whitecrossgirl and MythologyStar, cause 'Flynn' is really just a code word for 'Gwaine' in Tangled.

* * *

Chapter 34: The Smoulder

Gwen wasn't terribly surprised _or_ mad when she happened upon Merlin in one of her dresses. He was a dear friend of hers and besides, everyone in Camelot knew about Merlin's 'secret'.

What did awaken her motherly fury was the group of knights around him that were forcing him to dress up all the while giggling like they were _oh so funny.  
_

"WHAT exactly are you doing?"

Five knights jumped guiltily away.

"Guinevere I can expl-"

"Shut up, Arthur."

Merlin snickered half-heartedly from where he was trapped in a pink dress.

"Whose idea was this?" she asked. A silver jug had mysteriously appeared in her hands.

As the brave and feared knights of Camelot backed up, Gwaine stepped forward.

"All right listen. I didn't wanna have to do this, but you leave me no choice. Here comes the smoulder." In a manner that no woman could resist, he scrunched his eyes, pouted his lips and furrowed his br-

 _CLANG_

No one dared say anything as Gwen dragged Merlin away.

"I have got to get me one of _these,"_ Arthur said, eyeing the jug as plans of world dominance began blossoming in his mind.

From somewhere on the floor Gwaine groaned. "She broke my smoulder."


	34. Why do vampires sparkle?

**Summary:** Somehow Twilight finds its way to Camelot and Gwen and Morgana end up on opposite teams. Warnings for crack and some mild Twilight bashing.

A/N: No, I don't hate Twilight. *shifty eyes* Who told you that?

* * *

Chapter 35: Why do vampires sparkle?

No one questioned anything as crazy old man Tim bought quills, ink and parchment for his nearly infinite amount of monkeys. After a bit of proof writing he dubbed the first thing the monkeys wrote as 'Twilight' and sold it as a 'book' on the market. He didn't think that anyone would actually read the pile of garbage and so he was delighted when the Lady Morgana paid handsomely after having read just the first chapter. Tim bought more ink and parchment for the money. This seemed like a good business idea...

* * *

"You have to read this, Gwen."

"What is it, my Lady?"

"Only the greatest romance to ever have been written." Morgana's eyes glittered dangerously. "You go ahead and read it while I change into something more appropriate"

* * *

"Gwaine," Arthur growled through his helmet. "Why are you shirtless again for the third time this week?!" Training in full armour had made him both testy and sweaty, but the knights needed to be able to fight in every condition and Arthur had to set an example.

"I get paid for finding a reason to remove it." Gwaine shrugged. "Tough work. Nothing you'd know about, princess."

"Let's get something to drink." Arthur removed his helmet and made for where Merlin was chatting with Morgana who was wearing a tight leather outfit. "Oh my God, Morgana has been corrupted by Cenred's evil ways! Quick, Merlin, we have to find a cure!"

Morgana glared at him. "I'm trying to be Bella, can't you see?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Arthur was confused. His confusion only increased when Gwen joined them and he saw the 'I love Edward' written on her dress. _Merlin, Lancelot and now this?_ Arthur had had enough. "Who the hell is Edward?!"

"My one true love," Gwen sighed dreamily.

"I thought Arthur was your one true love," Merlin said nervously. He knew that Arthur was destined to marry Gwen and this didn't sound good at all.

"Please," Morgana butted in. "Everyone knows that Jacob is so much better. Team Jacob for life!"

"No, Team Edward."

"Name one thing Edward can do, that Jacob can't."

"He sparkles."

"Bah," Morgana said. "Who needs glitter when you can have abs?" Her eyes didn't leave Gwaine's abdomen. "Speaking of which, you can be my Jacob anytime you want, Sir Gwaine."

"Wait," Merlin said, "what if we make Arthur sparkle?"

Arthur gulped.

Gwen seemed to be considering the idea.

"I can get some glitter," Morgana said helpfully. "You know, Merlin, with those cheekbones you only need glitter and you can look like Edward too. I'll get some for the both of you."

The Prince and his manservant looked at each other. Then they both took off screaming, never to be seen again.


	35. A smart Lancelot

**Summary:** With dorochas everywhere, Lancelot decides that it's up to him to save the day. Tag to _The darkest hour._

A/N: Just something that annoyed/amused me for some time, so I decided to share it with you guys! It's short. It's stupid. And I just couldn't resist.

* * *

Chapter 36: A smart Lancelot

 _"For the tear to be created, it would have required a blood sacrifice. To seal it, will require another."_

"Hey, Merlin," Lancelot called over his shoulder. "We are down to our last two torches, and while I'm sure the Vilia would be honoured to heal you again, I'd rather not make the trip. Can't you use magic to find Arthur and the others?"

"Way ahead of you," Merlin said as his eyes turned back to blue. "This way."

"Wait."

Merlin gave him a quizzical look.

"How about I go in alone, all sombre and stuff so that they think you snuffed it?"

Merlin couldn't stop the smile spreading on his face.

* * *

Lancelot stopped in front of the veil. He pulled out a dagger and made a slit across his palm, letting the blood pool there before flinging it at the veil, then he walked back to Merlin and patted him on the shoulder while the veil closed behind him.

"Imagine if one of us had been stupid enough to go through it, eh?"


	36. Gwaine did it!

**Summary:** Arthur is not as oblivious as everyone believes he is.

A/N: I had another update planned for this chapter, but it didn't fit in with the story so I posted it separately as a one-shot: _Why you never get Merlin drunk_. I'd love it if any of you checked it out!

* * *

Chapter 37: Gwaine did it!

"Merlin," Arthur said dangerously, "why are your eyes glowing like a sorcerer's?"

"This isn't what it looks like," Merlin tried stalling for time. Gauis was going to kill him when he found out that Merlin had been executed because he'd been cheating on his chores again.

Arthur's sword hovered dangerously close to Merlin's face. "Would you care to enlighten me then?"

"Gwaine did it! You know how he's always trying to make you believe I have magic."

Arthur sheathed his sword with a long-suffering sigh. "Tell him from me that this joke stopped being funny after the 19th time."

* * *

"Guinevere? Lancelot? What are you doing in this room alone?" Arthur asked suspiciously.

"Gwaine did it! He tricked us in here and locked the door."

"Oh," Arthur said with a relieved expression. "That explains it."

* * *

"Put your shirt back on and step away from the chickens, Gwaine."

The knight jumped away guiltily. "It wasn't me, Gwaine did it!"

"You _are_ Gwaine."

Gwaine looked around like he was just noticing what had happened. "Damn, I'm _good."_

* * *

A/N: Gwaine was wrapping all the chickens up in tiny blankets because it was very cold that day. He was one blanket short and being the gentleman he is, he sacrificed his shirt for the last chicken. *blinks innocently* Why what did you think was happening?


	37. Ice creams, puppies and enchantments

**Summary:** Arthur has been turned into an ice cream! Warnings for crack, crack and more crack.

Prompt from goodgirl275: Arthur is turned into ice cream, and no one has any idea what ice cream is. Everyone is freaking out because their king is melting.

* * *

Chapter 38: Ice creams, puppies and enchantments

"Hurry up Gaius! Arthur is dripping," Merlin said as he stepped carefully around the puppy that was running in between his legs.

Gaius turned another page in his book, _'Solutions to problems you'll probably never have'_. "Tell me again, what exactly happened?"

"Arthur found this puppy in his chambers last night and decided to adopt it. When I came by with breakfast I found him like this. Morgana must have enchanted the puppy!"

"Morgana enchanted a puppy?!"

"I know. Even we didn't think she'd stoop _that_ low. Also, can you hurry up please?"

"I have found it. 'The spell of turning a person into a sweet flavoured frozen food containing cream or butterfat'.

"I am _not_. _Fat,_ " Arthur said in ice cream, but no one in the room spoke ice cream so it went unnoticed.

"Great," Merlin said, "How do we reverse it?"

"Only true love's lick can lift the enchantment."

"I'll fetch Gwen at once."

* * *

Arthur was still an ice cream and a very annoyed Gwen was standing to the side, watching as the line of Camelot's citizens grew shorter. She was going to have a lengthy talk with her _dear husband_ after this was over.

"Merlin, Gwaine has gotten into the line. Again." She turned to Gaius who had opened his book again. "Why isn't this working?"

"It says here that the true love must be at first sight, my lady."

With a loud pop Arthur suddenly turned back into a human. "Oy! Stop that, it tickles." The puppy was wagging its tail and trying to get to the leftover ice cream at Arthur's nose.

Gwen decided to forgive her idiot husband just this once.

In the rejoicing no one noticed the drunk knight sneaking back into the room.

"Gwaine," Arthur said calmly. "If you lick me again I will have you beheaded."

* * *

Shower thought: If everyone licked the ice cream, shouldn't there be tiny bits of Arthur in everyone's tummies?  
Note to self: Get some sleep.


	38. Merlin and Gwaine, sitting in the stocks

**Summary: "** Oh, poor Gwaine! Not his perfectly coiffed mane! T'would be sh*tty 'cuz he looks so pretty, and Arthur was to blame." Poem by goodgirl275 ;)

Prompt from Lya200: Merlin and Gwaine are in the stocks together

A/N: I was imagining that when Arthur was turned back he would be a bloody mangled mess, missing limbs and whatnot because everyone ate the ice cream. Thanks for making that sound suggestive, NC -_-

* * *

Chapter 39: Merlin and Gwaaine, sitting in the stocks

Gwaine and Merlin were craning their necks and whispering to each other about something.

Arthur came over looking like his usual smug self whenever Merlin was in the stocks. "Had enough?"

Merlin and Gwaine sucked in their breath and started singing at the same time. "Gwen and Lancelot, sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-"

"ENOUGH!" Arthur roared.

The two burst into laughter and Gwaine made a complicated series of hand gestures that left Arthur confused. Merlin nodded and they both started on the awful song again. "Merlin and Gwaaaine, sitting in the tree-"

Arthur quickly covered his ears. He wasn't sure his brain could handle what was coming next.

"-T-E-A-S-I-N-G!"

His manservant and knight had broken down into a fit of giggles and therefore didn't notice the guard that placed a basket of rotten fruit next to him. He picked up a nice, squishy tomato.

Merlin whimpered when one hit the board, precariously close to his head. "Not the face, not the face."

Gwaine had already fainted at the prospect of tomatoes ruining his newly washed hair.


	39. Arthur is NOT best

**Summary:** Merlin has many hidden talents. Sword fighting is not one of them. Or is it?

Prompt from MythologyStar: "Merlin knows how to use a sword."

* * *

Chapter 40: Arthur is NOT best

Arthur was breathing heavily. He had had a long sword fight with Gwaine and while they were usually evenly matched, he always managed to win through some trick or other. But not this time.

Arthur walked away so that he wouldn't hear the cheering that had erupted behind him and called for Merlin. A few rounds of beating up the gangly boy never failed to cheer him up.

Merlin was holding the sword loosely at his side and Arthur attacked without warning.

He was going to win with one blow!

Just before it reached its target, his sword clanged against Merlin's.

 _How had he moved that fast?_

Merlin's eyes glittered dangerously as he suddenly attacked with the precision of a seasoned swordsman. After a few desperate attempts to stop him, Arthur found himself pinned under Merlin's sword.

He rolled out from under Merlin's sword and spotted Gwen looking like she wanted to train. His pride had taken a severe beating and he needed this badly. "Would you like to spar with me, Guinevere? I promise I'll go easy on you..."

Arthur was sulking in his bedroom. At least Gwen had had the decency to not laugh in his face but that didn't help much as he could hear her laughing through the open window.

* * *

 **Earlier that day**

Merlin said the spell that made him, Gwen and Gwaine better than Arthur at sword fighting.

He shrugged. It was as good a reveal as any.


	40. I dare you

**Summary:** Gwaine dares Merlin to lick Arthur. Surprisingly neither crack nor slash.

Prompt from goodgirl275: Gwaine dares Merlin to lick Arthur.

A/N: 'Licking someone up' is apparently australian slang for beating someone. Since Gwaine is the only character to say 'mate' in the show, my headcanon is that Gwaine is secretly australian. *sigh* Even my headcanons are cracky...

* * *

Chapter 41: I dare you

"What is your biggest secret?" Gwaine asked Merlin with a playful smile. The empty bottle on the table was facing in the boy's direction just like all the knights.

Merlin squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. "Can I choose a dare instead?"

Gwaine banged his tankard on the table. "Fine. I dare you to… lick the princess up."

"WHAT?"

"Would you rather spill the beans then?"

Merlin closed his eyes. "Fine, I'll do it."

* * *

Arthur was lying on his stomach, snoring away, with no idea that Merlin was hovering over him with his tongue sticking out.

After careful consideration and several tense moments where he almost threw up at the mere prospect of what he was about to do, he settled for the prat's arm.

He inched closer and closed his eyes.

 _Almost there._

 _Just a bit more…_

"What on earth are you doing?" Arthur mumbled.

Merlin froze with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "I'm loofin' fow woodwowms?" he tried. And then before Arthur could get his bearings Merlin went in for the kill.

Trying not to gag he ran off with an enraged prince hot on his heels.

* * *

Merlin gingerly held his throbbing arm. Arthur had managed to get in a shot at him before he escaped. "I'm _never_ doing that again."

"I'd like to see you try," Arthur growled from behind him.

"Um… COMING MOTHER!"

* * *

A/N: That last line was from Lya200's story, "Definition of a Merlin drabble" chapter 5. Sorry, Lya. I just couldn't resist. I also referenced the show (obviously) and had a lot of fun trying to say, "I'm looking for woodworms" with my tongue out. Hopefully, it sounds somewhat phonetically correct.


	41. Sorry!

" _What_ is the meaning of this _Merl_ in?"

Merlin rubbed his head where Arthur had hit him. "What was that for?! It isn't even my fault this time!" he said indignantly.

"I can hardly hit the author now can I?" Arthur pointed out in a superior tone.

"Well next time, try asking before hitting. I actually know a spell that creates a temporary portal to the other world."

"Well why didn't you say something earlier?"

Merlin threw his hands up in the air. "I give up."

"You can give up _after_ you have created the portal."

"Fine," Merlin grumbled as he started on the incantation.

* * *

"OUCH!" yelled an unsuspecting author as she rubbed her head where Arthur had hit her. "What was that for?" she said, eerily mimicking Merlin. Minus the indignant part.

"You messed up with the chapters and destroyed the flow of the story!"

"Ah, yes," she said sheepishly.

Arthur glared daggers at her.

"Umm, I apologise for messing up. It seems I accidently deleted chapter 2, 'The origins of Gwaine' which is sadly lost forever. I am very sorry for that. As a way of fixing the problems this caused, I have devised a clever plan where I write about Merlin and Arthur threatening me to say sorry." She gave the audience a dazzling smile.

Arthur hit her again.


	42. The magic of council meetings

**(A/N)-** Hi. This is MythologyStar writing a drabble for Seedsiz...

Yeah, I lost a wager with her some time ago, and this was what I had to do if I lost! I got around to doing it just _now_ , after I finally thought of a prompt! I was tempted to do something Spider-Man related, but then I scrapped that idea pretty quickly...

Hope you guys like Harry Potter references!

* * *

Chapter 42: The magic of council meetings

Another day, another boring council meeting...

At the far back of the room, Merlin couldn't help but snort. What was even the point of them? Why couldn't they just-

 _Boom!_

Everyone jumped as the doors to the chambers burst open.

"Hello, dear _brother._ " A female voice mocked. "Miss me?"

 _Morgana!_

Before anyone could move, the witch raised a hand and shouted, _"F_ _rēosan!"_ stopping everyone she could see with a flash of her eyes. "Now," she purred, "Where were we?"

At the back of the room, Merlin rolled his eyes despite the situation. Of course. Of course, just forget the useless, clumsy servant at the back. Typical.

He'd had enough of being ignored.

 _"STUPEFY!"_

Then turning to the rest of the council, Arthur included, Merlin raised his hand again.

 _"Obliviate!"_

He'd think of an excuse for the suddenly unconscious Morgana later.

* * *

A/N from Seedsiz: See Chapter 41 to find out what really happened with the chapters.


	43. A trip to the Lower Town

**Summary:** Sometimes Arthur forgets that Gwen used to be a servant...

* * *

Chapter 43: A trip to the Lower Town

Arthur was reluctantly following Guinevere through the Lower Town with Merlin whistling merrily behind him, even as he carried the huge picnic basket Arthur had made him make for their trip.

Unfortunately, it seemed like he and Gwen had different opinions on what a 'lovely evening stroll' actually meant. Merlin's amusement was certainly proof of that. The idiot hadn't complained at having to come with them even once which had immediately made Arthur suspicious. And now he knew.

Guinevere. Was. Crazy.

Who went around and smelled goat dung?!

Guinevere smiled at him to come closer but Arthur politely declined, trying his best to cover his nose with his sleeve without Guinevere noticing, not look repulsed as his wife smelled some droppings, _and_ planning punishments for Merlin. All at the same time.

And after that they paid their respects to Guinevere's father by letting the new smith deafen them. This was shaping up to be a fantastic day. At least Merlin had to go trough the ear torture as well. With Guinevere out of earshot he turned to Merlin just as the smug son-of-a-bread-roll pulled some wax plugs out of his ears.

"A physician's apprentice is always prepared," he said smugly.

Arthur chose not throttle his manservant for the comment. But his fingers did twitch a little. "Merlin," he whispered, "is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Nope," Merlin said with an air of innocence.

He'd had enough. "What other repulsive habits does Guinevere have?" he asked bluntly.

Merlin pretended to think about it. "... she likes you."


	44. I have magic, Arthur (part 1)

**Summary:** Merlin decides to finally reveal his magic to Arthur. Multi-parter!

Prompt from Shian1998: Could you do a prompt where Merlin is caught and confesses his magic to Arthur, but Arthur doesn't believe him, resulting in Merlin becoming offended and repeatedly trying to prove that he has magic, but Arthur keeps finding reasons to not believe him?

* * *

Chapter 44: I have magic, Arthur (part 1)

Arthur spun on his heel as he heard a loud crack behind him. A bandit was lying there, crushed under a heavy branch and Merlin was standing behind him, his hand stretched out and eyes changing from gold to blue. "What just happened, Merlin?" Arthur asked with deceptive calm.

"Uh," Merlin lowered his hand nervously. Then he straightened. _It was time._ "Magic, Arthur."

"What?"

"I have magic. And I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you."

"You're not a sorcerer, Merlin. I would know," Arthur laughed.

Merlin gaped at him. "Yes I am," he said offended. "My eyes were just gold. I know you saw it!"

Arthur waved him off. " Trick off the light. I'll have Gaius take a look at you, you're obviously suffering from brain damage," he said turning back to the bandit.

Merlin had chosen that exact moment to light a flame in his palm but Arthur didn't see as his back was turned. "Look, Arthur. I have magic!" he yelled desperately.

"Sure you have, Merlin. Hey! What're the odds of a branch snapping at the exact right time?" Arthur mused.

Merlin knocked his head into a tree.

* * *

A/N: I'm back :D AND I turned the magic reveal dialogue into something light-hearted. You may shower me with chocolate now!


	45. I have magic, Arthur (part 2)

**Summary:** Merlin decides to finally reveal his magic to Arthur. Multi-parter!

Prompt from Shian1998: Could you do a prompt where Merlin is caught and confesses his magic to Arthur, but Arthur doesn't believe him, resulting in Merlin becoming offended and repeatedly trying to prove that he has magic, but Arthur keeps finding reasons to not believe him?

* * *

Chapter 45: I have magic Arthur, (part 2)

Merlin grinned as he readied everything. Arthur couldn't possibly deny this! He leaned back on a chair and closed his eyes as he heard footsteps approach the armoury.

Arthur entered and looked around at all of his equipment floating in the air and cleaning itself while Merlin was "dozing" off. _"What_ is going on here?!"

Merlin made a show of waking up and falling out of his chair. "Arthur! I didn't know you were coming here, and _oh no!_ You saw my magic!"

Everything kept cleaning itself.

Arthur smiled in understanding. "Ah, of course. It's your magic. How could I forget?"

"Are you angry now?" Merlin asked hopefully.

Arthur didn't answer as he walked around the room and examined everything. He grinned when he came to his tunic and grasped the rope it was hanging from. "Just like magic."

Merlin gaped. How could he have forgotten the tunic he had hung up to dry? "It's not what it looks like!" he pleaded.

"I had to search your chambers for sorcery again, Merlin," Arthur continued as if Merlin hadn't said anything. "The fake spell book and staff you placed under the floor were amusing. You're really putting a lot of effort into this." He picked up his shield and left.

"But I _really_ have magic!" Merlin yelled after him desperately.

Since there were no trees around, Merlin tried to knock himself out with the tunic and broke down crying when it didn't work.

* * *

A/N: The best thing to answer Arthur's obliviousness in this case is this review from Killua Lawliet: "I'm going to assume this falls under the category of TV logic where even when things couldn't be more blatantly obvious if the Tripple Goddess herself interfered. The other characters still remain oblivious to the truth through sheer plotpower(no it's not willpower it's plotpower)"

Thank you for making me laugh :)


	46. I have magic, Arthur (part 3)

**Summary:** Merlin decides to finally reveal his magic to Arthur. Multi-parter!

Prompt from Shian1998: Could you do a prompt where Merlin is caught and confesses his magic to Arthur, but Arthur doesn't believe him, resulting in Merlin becoming offended and repeatedly trying to prove that he has magic, but Arthur keeps finding reasons to not believe him?

* * *

Chapter 46: I have magic Arthur, (part 3)

Arthur took in the state of his destroyed room. _"What_ happened here?!"

Merlin popped out from underneath the table he was trying to upend. "I cleaned your room! With magic!" he said cheerfully.

Arthur sneezed as a couple of chicken feathers floated around him. He refused to ask what they were doing in his room. "Cleaning?"

Merlin nodded vigorously. "You see, I cleaned your room but you weren't here and you know what they say about the tree falling in the forest when no one's around," Merlin blabbered. "So of course I then had to make it dirty to prove that I _had_ cleaned it. With magic," he repeated just for good measure.

"I believe you, Merlin."

Merlin was about to do something extremely flashy when he stopped. "You believe me!" he said, pulling Arthur into a bone-crushing hug.

"Of course I do." Pulling a leaf out of Gwen's book he knocked Merlin out with the silver jug on the table. It was the one thing even Merlin hadn't dared touch, meaning he still had _some_ sanity left. Arthur dragged him to Gaius and dropped him unceremoniously on the floor. "He thinks he has magic, Gaius."

Gaius' eyebrow did that weird thing it always did. "I'll look into it at once, Sire. I believe someone must have placed an enchantment on him."

Arthur nodded, reassured, and left.

A single tear slipped down Merlin's cheek.

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and other horribly mishy-mashy things on the inside :)


	47. I have magic, Arthur (part 4)

**Summary:** Merlin decides to finally reveal his magic to Arthur. Multi-parter!

Prompt from Shian1998: Could you do a prompt where Merlin is caught and confesses his magic to Arthur, but Arthur doesn't believe him, resulting in Merlin becoming offended and repeatedly trying to prove that he has magic, but Arthur keeps finding reasons to not believe him?

* * *

Chapter 47: I have magic, Arthur (part 4)

"So just to be clear, Merlin. The princess _doesn't_ believe you have magic?"

Merlin nodded sadly, looking down at the table.

Even Leon had to believe there was something wrong with his king at this point. Everyone in Camelot knew Merlin had magic, and so all the knights vowed to help him.

* * *

"So, princess. Merlin. Has magic. He's a sorcerer." Gwaine gave Arthur his most winning smile.

Arthur thought that would have been a tad bit more effective if Gwaine hadn't been saying it to some other blond man that looked vaguely like him.

* * *

Lancelot gripped his sword tightly. "I've known for years."

Arthur laughed. "If it _was_ true Merlin would have told _me_ first!"

* * *

Sir Percival stood in front of him. "Merlin has magic," he said in his deep voice. Arthur tried to inquire further but Percival had already used up all his words for this drabble and stayed silent.

* * *

They had all tried. And failed. Arthur was holding up his tankard and wondering what had gotten into all his knights _and_ Merlin when Leon got an idea. "Sire the dice game!" he cried. "Merlin used magic that day to win!" They had all heard that story several times from Merlin of course.

Horror dawned on Arthur's face. "You cheated!"

"Oh come _on!_ " Merlin managed to get out before Arthur pounced on him.

* * *

A/N: I didn't know how to end this series, hence the absence. Not entirely happy with how it turned out even now but you guys deserved an update and so here I am :) Hope it helps brighten your days wherever you are and as always, stay awesome!


	48. Merlin's beard!

**Summary:** There's a reason wizards have such odd swears… Harry Potter crossover drabble!

A/N: Has it finally happened? Has Seedsiz finally cracked? Probably, since she now refers to herself in third person. And now the nice people in white jackets are calling so Seedsiz has to go :)

* * *

Chapter 48: Merlin's beard!

Moving staircases and talking pictures.

Arthur was looking around carefully and not freaking out at all. Merlin was quite proud of the prat for that even if he would never admit it.

To all passing by, the newly resurrected king and his ever faithful sorcerer would be invisible.

"So you have been staying at... Hogwarts all these years, waiting for me?"

Merlin scratched his head, "Pretty much. It was boring having to wait for a certain prat to wake up so I came here. They didn't take my intimidating appearance seriously for some reason-"

Arthur started sniggering but Merlin ignored him.

"So I transformed into an old man and I even got one of those wands and then I started the Order of Me." Merlin grinned proudly, "So that I could get the poor muggles – that's you – some rights. And then the old coot stole my idea and started the Order of the flaming chicken. But of course my order is the best. And then I got bored doing that so I decided to have some fun! I started with convincing everyone that my beard was omnipotent by destroying Atlantis. And _then_ I wanted to see how far I could take it..."

When Merlin was finished Arthur couldn't help just staring at him. "You really want me to believe that people say 'Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts' because of the time you were surrounded by thestrals and wanted to make it challenging for yourself and defeat them with your underclothes? That's _got_ to be one of the most ridic-" Arthur stopped as a trio of students passed them.

The red haired boy scoffed at something the bushy haired girl had just said. "And why in the name of Merlin's saggy left-" Arthur quickly put his hands over his ears. Between how hard the girl hit the redhead and Merlin's superior smirk, Arthur _really_ didn't want to know.


	49. Valentine's Day in Camelot

**Summary:** Love is in the air! But who said there's only one kind of love?

A/N: On prompt from Lya200 who wanted Arthur to meet the beloved duck. It's far from V-day but life's been weird and I apologize for the hiatus. Sadly, I can't promise that updates will get more frequent but hopefully they won't ever stop completely. Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews!

* * *

Chapter 49: Valentine's day in Camelot

"Boy! Where's Arthur?" Uncomfortable silence passed after the king's question and Merlin braced himself for being thrown in the stocks because Arthur had asked him to cover up for him _again,_ but then the king muttered something about 'braindead servants' and left him alone.

Some days it paid to be an idiot.

A commotion outside of Arthur's chambers had Merlin exiting with a sigh, ready to stop the next great evil that had come to Camelot. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a vacation.

Leon and Uther were staring each other down with hands on their swords and with a certain duck standing between them.

Merlin grabbed a fruit roll from a passing servant's tray and raised it in salute. The duck bobbed her head.

She was always willing to help Merlin out but Merlin also knew for a fact that she loved having The King at her back and call. Not that Merlin felt guilty. Everyone knew about Uther's standards and a duck was a certain improvement.

A figure bowled Merlin over, making him drop his roll. _That's it. Vacation, here I come._

"Mother!" Arthur cried, pushing both Uther and Leon out of the way.

Merlin picked up his roll and brushed it off. Maybe Camelot wasn't so bad after all.


	50. The Iddit and The Pwat

**Summary:** Merlin and Freya have a son and everyone (including Arthur) is overjoyed until he says his first words. Then, everyone excluding Arthur is overjoyed.

 **A/N:** Slowly, ever so slowly an update makes it through. Maybe Seedsiz is not dead yet.

* * *

Chapter 50: The Iddit and The Pwat

Arthur had _not_ kept Merlin company outside his chambers all night when Freya had gone into labour, no he most certainly had not.

Arthur did _not_ make excuses to go see Merlin (and his spawn) more often the necessary. He had better things to do.

Arthur did _not_ go through all the colours of a grape ripening when Merlin's son opened his mouth to speak his first word and out tumbled the hesitant, "Pwat?"

Arthur did _not_ chase Merlin all through the castle after said occurrence. All the servants that turned their head the other way as he passed them could attest to that.

Arthur did _not_ wear his smuggest grin when Guinevere told him she was with child. He was only happy to be a father at last, nothing else.

Arthur did _not_ stay in his chambers for hours, teaching his son (and daughter!) all his favourite insults for Merlin.

Arthur _did_ proudly show off his heirs when he'd taught them everything he knew, only to have them point at him and say, "Fat?"

Arthur did _not_ chase Merlin. Again.

* * *

"Pwat?" said the curly haired baby looking after his father.

"Iddit," his little sister agreed.

From behind a column, Merlin's now five year old son stepped out and gave both children the pie he'd promised them if only they did what he said...


End file.
